Racism Exists

I realize that I blog about pretty surface issues/topics but this issue is something that I think a lot about but say little. After hearing a personal account of not so nice experiences this weekend at a neighborhood BBQ, I thought "I'm talking about this."

my journey

Through working in social services for 3 years, I learned A LOT about our culture and the cultures that are foreign to me. Namely poverty and racism. I have never been poor, probably never will be. I am white, I haven't experienced racism like others have. I was able (I feel) to put away a lot of my assumptions and expectations and see all of my clients as people who have amazing qualities. You see- it is hard to appreciate someone who is really different, unless we stop expecting them to be what we think they should be, and starting to accept their uniqueness.

My neighbor's accounts of his experiences in the last two weeks startled me- even though I know racism still exists. I just don't feel it like he does- I'm white. Simple things like riding a bus, going to the doctor, and visiting a big box electronics retailer in Roseville, MN were made uncomfortable, and impossible to accomplish what he needed to just because of his skin and their assumptions.

Before my eyes were opened, trust me, this has been a journey and is still happening, I had some assumptions about people. I was scared to even say the word white or black (or any race) person. Scared to even talk about it with people that I wasn't really close to. I felt that there were still great inequities in our culture, but what they were- I didn't know. I'm sure that I am privileged and have not known my impact on others. I hope that it has been minimal. I knew that the time of "I don't see color" or "we are color blind" was really weird. I was white, you were not, so what, am I supposed to ignore it? Side note: please don't ignore color, race and origin is a large part of who we are, to ignore it is to make someone more like you, thus ignoring part of their true self. Negating it and making it not important.

My experiences bring me to today, where I feel a responsibility to our culture and the people who experience inequities. I have the power to bring this up in the white culture, and I will.

what can even be done?

Most people unaffected by racism don't know that it still exists. Of course! When you don't see it, feel it or aren't close to someone who does, why would you think it exists.


I have come to understand what I feel my responsibility is when it comes to racism. Here are some things that I do:

-Think about me and my actions and thoughts and try to remain supportive and loving of all people.

-Let others like me know that racism isn't going away unless everyone becomes aware of how deep seeded it is in our culture, especially those who AREN'T affected. Also, if you are white and have never been subjected to racism that it does exist. If you have experienced it, please act to educate against it.

-Never forget those around you. Life isn't about what you (or they) always want to talk about, hear and engage in- if someone around you is being racist, don't accept it.

-Something that I do on many occasions is to look at people- all of them, and compliment them in my head. Or think, I bet they have some quality that is really cool. It helps me look at people as individuals, also it makes me shed expectations. If I have an experience with them, I get to know them organically, without judgement.

-Look at these websites:
White Men as Full Diversity Partners
The Working Group
Youth Noise


grace

My neighbor ended the conversation about racism this weekend by saying "I don't let this gorilla (racism) out of the closet anymore. I locked him away a looooong time ago. If I let him out, anger will consume me and eat me alive. I wouldn't be able to live my life. I choose to see the good."


After all he has been through- Amazing.

I Google Everything

To me, google is a verb. It is something I "do" very often. Anytime anyone asks me something I don't know, I tell them to google it. Anytime I start a project, I google what I am about to do. In a way, it feels like asking the elders what I should do. I don't always get the perfect response, but I ALWAYS get a response. Google is there for me (ooop- I guess it is a noun too).


I have a little obsession with finding out what I can about things. Thus the blog. I google and then blog (most of) the things I obsess about. I'm pretty sure this started when I was in debate in HS... Yes- I was in debate. You had to prove what you were saying with research. Now I have a hard time believing a "fact" unless I like the source it came from (and there is a little research behind it). My idea of research may not be purely scientific (i.e. tons of opinions from the mass public) but to me it is worth something, and it helps me form what I want to think about a topic.



I know there are other search engines out there, but google is like the Cub Foods frosted shredded wheat I grew up on- I like THAT taste and none other. The others are similar but really just does not taste the same. Of course when I wanted to blog, I went to google. I am thinking of making a real website (not a fake one!!) and I will be doing that through google. I just love the way it makes me feel when I use it. Whhhoa- is there such thing as a google high?? I think I'm hooked on it.



So, raise your mouse and salute google! Or whatever site you love.

Do you have a particular site that you LOVE? Please share- I always like to try something new.

Food, Flavor and Preference

Ahhhh yes- here is the post you all have been waiting for. Food. Delicious, yummy, satisfying food. Hmmmmmm.



Right now my meal obsession is fried eggs served on fried tomatoes. SO GOOD!



Do you have a sweet tooth? Do you tend to go towards the salty variety? I would eat bags and bags of sweets when I was in highschool, now I have to have salty or savory often to feel satisfied. I also have to have some sort of "salad" which in Maega terms is something of the veggie variety, usually involving tomatoes (as of late). DH gets sick of hearing that “I need salad!!!"



Nature, Nurture and Taste?

The real question is why do we have food/taste preferences? There is a lot behind the answer- and it does have to do with nature and nurture.

Genes and environment lend themselves to the reasons why we like what we like.

"Recent research has demonstrated that our genes help to determine how we detect the basic tastes by influencing the configuration of taste receptors," says Stein. "Part of why you might like broccoli while your best friend finds it bitter is because you have different genes, which code for different bitter receptors."

"Experience is also an important determinant of food preferences," says Stein. "For example, infants and young children need to learn what foods are safe to eat. Even before birth, information about specific flavors of mothers' diets passes to infants through amniotic fluid" (The Science Behind How We Taste, Heather Hatfield).



Sweet vs. Salty

Apparently we are all predisposed to liking some degree of sweet- as humans that is. As for the salty preference, it seems that there are more questions that haven’t been answered. “Bernstein, who co-authored the study, which was published in Appetite, says researchers found that the loss of electrolytes and sodium during morning sickness has an impact on the offspring's salt preference” (The Science Behind How We Taste, Heather Hatfield). So if we really like salty food it may be because when we were in-utero our mom had morning sickness! Hmm, makes me less hungry- poor mom!



Umami??

That is not an insult to your mommy. Umami refers to a flavor, a savory, meat, broth-y flavor to be specific. It is a Japanese term that directly translates to “wonderful taste.” We sense this flavor in a completely different way than sweet and salty. In fact, I'm surprised we don't find snacks out there that are "Sweet! Salty & Umami!" I happen to love umami flavors- bring on the umami!



Training Your Taste

You know those slimy mushrooms you used to hate but now love- maybe you hated the taste of broccoli and now you love it- well, tastes can change and you can inspire them to change.

"Repeated exposure can increase relative liking for a food but may not be able to change a disliked food into one that is liked. In other words, exposure may make a disliked food less disliked. While repeat exposure to a food can decrease dislike, it can also increase liking. " (The Science Behind How We Taste, Heather Hatfield).

We also know of “acquired tastes” like beer, tea, wine (what is on my brain right now??) caviar etc. Social situations can inspire us to start liking something. Just like being conditioned to want popcorn while watching a movie.



Taste Over Time

Have you heard that your ears and nose get bigger as you get older? Well- your tastes change too. Your body creates less and less taste buds as you age, so you aren’t able to taste as well. SAD! So, if you are one of “those” who likes hot food you will just have to increase the intensity of the hotness as you get older- how exciting!

Super Tasters Unite!

Did you know there are people amongst us with super tasting powers?!? Maybe you are one of them… We are on to you! “Among humans, there is substantial difference in taste sensitivity. Roughly one in four people is a "supertaster" that is several times more sensitive to bitter and other tastes than those that taste poorly. Such differences are heritable and reflect differences in the number of taste buds on the tongue” (Physiology of Taste, R. Bowen.)

So! Go out, taste away- and if you don’t like something- give it another try in a fun happy environment.

Happy tasting!

I'm Sorry, I Thought That Was Assertive

Recently I have been involved in researching what assertiveness truly means. My experience has been that aggressiveness and selfishness are often confused with assertiveness. You see someone in line at the cafe barking an order that they said non-fat not 2% milk- NOT assertiveness. A co-worker asking you to cover their shift while walking out the door- NOT assertive. On the flip side, not saying anything about the 2% milk when you truly wanted non-fat. Also, not confronting the co-worker who assumes you will just cover their shift. These are also NOT assertive, or good for both parties.

Definitions

Assertiveness is a form of communication in which needs or wishes are stated clearly with respect for oneself and the other person in the interaction. Assertive communication is distinguished from passive communication (in which needs or wishes go unstated) and aggressive communication (in which needs or wishes are stated in a hostile or demanding manner).
Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, About.comCreated: February 19, 2009 Reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Dictionary definition:
Assertive; Adjective; confident and direct in dealing with others; assertively adv assertiveness n Collins Essential English Dictionary 2nd Edition 2006 © HarperCollins Publishers 2004, 2006

Balance?

It seems that there is a balance to assertiveness- sorta like a continuum. As anything learned (trust me, we aren't born "assertive") these things are journeys- we don't always get things right the first or second time.


What I LOVE about assertiveness is that the basis of it is meeting the needs of both parties. Not violating the rights/respect of one for the other. Also, I am really on an authenticity kick right now and assertiveness is directly tied to being authentic to yourself. If this assertiveness thing could happen just a little more in our lives, it could possibly lead to more harmony!?! Maybe that is my forever optimist speaking...

Assertiveness reduces stress??

I do know for a fact that Assertiveness Training is prescribed to some for stress management. This is something that I truly believe works to reduce stress and get your needs met- wherever you happen to be at the moment. From personal experience- using assertiveness techniques can be a freeing experience. It makes sticky situations more clean and simple feeling. It has given me a tool to stop wasting energy. I can't tell you how cool it is.


I own this book called The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis, Ph.D., Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, LCSW, and Matthew McKay, Ph.D. In this book are a bizillion tricks to being less stressed (I HIGHLY suggest this book it is AWESOME). Maybe I'll do a few reviews on my fav parts. Anyway, one of the techniques in this book is Assertiveness Training, the professionals suggest it for Anxiety in your personal relationships (spouse, parents, children, etc.)Depression, hopelessness, powerlessness, poor self esteem and Job Stress. Wow... sounds depressing. But there is hope! Cue Assertiveness!

Myths

The LiveStrong website has a post about assertiveness that is GREAT. There is a quiz, research and suggestions for development. All excellent. The author is James J Messina, PhD, is a licensed psychologist with more than 35 years of experience.

Part of the post explores myths about assertiveness. I really think our culture (or the expectations we have about our culture) can inspire non-assertiveness. Here are the myths that really struck me:

Myth 2, Modesty: The inability to acknowledge or say positive things about and to accept them from others. Some people fear that positive self-statements seem egocentric. They fail to discriminate between the accurate representation of accomplishments and over exaggeration.

"Myth 3, Good Friend: This myth assumes that others can read my mind based upon our past relationship, e.g.: "She should have known how I felt" or "My husband should have known how hard I have been working and given me Saturday morning free." One must remember that individuals don't always respond in the same manner to the same situation."

Myth 4, Obligation: This myth indicates that some people disregard their personal needs and rights due to a belief in personal obligations to others. They are often unable to make requests of others they project that others feel the obligation to meet their needs, too. This myth, along with the others, facilitates neither self-respect nor the development of open, healthy relationships.

It can't work ALL the time...

I am a pretty optimistic person- but I am also realistic. I realize that being assertive doesn't always feel great or right, sometimes it doesn't lead us to our preferred outcome. Sometimes it even makes others uncomfortable. However, it is a process and a learning experience. We know now that being assertive DOES lead to a better outcome more often than not. It also helps us move forward with our relationships, our self esteem and our rights.

So. Where does this leave us? My suggestion: Google assertiveness or read the article about it from the LiveStrong website and decide what is best for you. Is this an issue for you? Most likely, there are areas in all of our lives that we could be more assertive. Use assertiveness to the advantage of yourself and others.

To Blog or Not To Blog...

For the last three or four months, I had been considering if I should write a blog or not. I have a close friend that blogs- she is a writer and editor though, and reads A TON. Other super smart people have blogs- and they seem to have so much motivation and really interesting information to report. Me, however, I wasn't sure if my enthusiasm over my obsessions would warrant a blog. Would my writing be interesting? Do I have enough to write about? I had many questions. After mulling it over for a few months, I decided (along with another friend) to take the plunge- see what it is like to blog.

Since then, I've been very enthusiastic about blogging. It is a BLAST!

Here is why:

1. I find myself looking at my experiences with a blogger's eye. I am more apt to think about what is happening, and what kind of sense I can make of it.
2. I feel like I am more accountable for what I (think I) know. If I am going to write it down for others to see, I really need to make sure that there is some research and "meat" to my writings.
3. I don't usually write my ideas down, and now I feel like they won't be lost (because I forget A LOT of things). Wait, what was I writing about again.? Oh! Yea- blogging...

Here are some stats about blogs that intrigue:
--175,000 new blogs are being started each day. (Technorati)
--The number of active blogs grew from 56 million to 62.3 million between October of 2006 and January 2007. (Gartner)
--The total number of dead, abandoned blogs out there has exceeded 200 million.(Gartner). SAD!!
Found from: SFGate


There are some blogging basics to know however. I must admit, I have already broken some of the rules... oooops!! My information comes from an experienced blogger Michael Pick with info from by Robin Good.


What is a blog?
"The word blog is a contraction of "web log", a phrase not so commonly used these days. In the simplest definition of the term, then, a blog is a log of your thoughts, ideas, useful links, photos, videos, or the latest news."




Why write a blog?
"There is no single reason to write a blog, as it very much depends on your motivation. Nevertheless, blogging can have a number of benefits, whether it is to help boost the presence of your business online, or just to share and debate ideas with like-minded people."


What to write??
"While this will obviously depend on why you are blogging in the first place, one piece of advice you should definitely consider is trying to find yourself a niche. Unless you are writing for your family or a couple of friends, the best way to distinguish yourself and build a readership is to focus on a particular niche topic or interest."
"There is bound to be something that you are passionate about, that really motivates you, and that is in some way unique to you. That's where to begin your blog from."


If you want it to stand out:
"The most important part of your blog posts are the titles. Because that's what will make a reader that finds your content through a search engine decide whether to visit your website or not. This is the make or break point that determines whether you get read or passed over in favour of someone else's content. Robin Good, in his article on How To Write Great Titles And Headlines For The Web notes that: "Do not try to make the title "smart", by using irony, word play or other "journalistic" approach."
This is precisely the rule I have broken... My titles aren't really searchable....... I'll have to think about it- do I want to lose the cute titles?




How to keep a reader on your page??
Once you have a great title the next thing worth thinking about is what happens when your reader actually arrives at your website. A lot of readers will disappear from a site in seconds unless they are captivated and encouraged to stay.
Muhammad Saleem writes for CopyBlogger that: "Readers will often read content diagonally to determine its usefulness before giving it a proper read."
Robin Good (Information: Beginners Blog Design) writes that "chunking" is important in a blog:
"Chunking is an approach to the formatting of the text that strives to "modularize" contents into the greatest number of meaningful text blocks possible." So chunks of writing- not BIG blocks.


Be bold!
"In order to facilitate readers scanning page contents, it is a great idea to use some "bolding" to highlight the first three or four words of content paragraphs that are particularly important."


A picture tells how many words?
Use pictures- people love them.


Where to begin?
My suggestion is to start thinking about a theme and then decide if you want to keep up a blog. At that point, there are so many research tools out there you can run crazy and be a fabulous blogger! If you start one! LET ME KNOW!

Happy writing!

Opposite of Enthusiasm?

I was reading The Happiness Project Blog and the author wrote about her term "Drift." I thought her definition was pretty interesting. As I was discussing it with a friend, it occurred to me that this could be the opposite of enthusiasm.

Drift means "the decision you make by not deciding, or by making a decision that unleashes consequences for which you don’t take responsibility." Per the authors own words. I think that this is a very key understanding in looking at what enthusiasm is not. I know enthusiasm isn't a direct form of decision making, but it can motivate a decision. Here are some definitions of enthusiasm I found on google:

• Enthusiastic - With zealous fervor; excited, motivated.
• Enthusiastic - having or showing great excitement and interest.
• Possession by a god; divine inspiration or frenzy; Intensity of feeling; excited interest or eagerness.
• Enthusiasm (ἐνθουσιασμός enthousiasmos) originally meant inspiration or possession by a divine afflatus (inspiration) or by the presence of a god.
• Antonym: Indifference.

There are many areas we are indifferent in our lives- and for good reason. It would sometimes suit us better to drift more. Like when the neighbors are crackling their left over fireworks for days after the 4th. Or, the person who lets the door slam in your face while your hands are full. Things like that. Maybe when a relationship is tense and making no move or being indifferent to the bad (for a bit) is more healthy. I think the author has a point with considering where we are drifting and understanding if it is good for us.

After just a few moments I realized my area of drift is with my connection to people who are not in my immediate surroundings. I am SO bad at sending cards, calling people and regular communication- even electronically (I'm a VERY lazy facebooker). Unless there is a specific reason for me to reach out. This is where I drift, and I have no idea how to be better. I have completely lost touch with some people because of this- isn't that sad? I've tried making lists, buying bulk cards, making reminders on my PDA phone etc. It seems that I only can remember those closest to me, and then sometimes they fall through the cracks. It is a goal of mine to work on this- but drifting is so much easier. Doing what I always have done is what I continue to do.

Are there drift areas (where you are just indifferent) in your life? Do you have a way of working through them? Do you use drifting as a positive tool?

Hmmmm..... Bread.

Nothing beats the smell of freshly baked bread, especially the rising yeasty kind. Hmmmmmm...



A while back, probably around a year now, I started hating what I was reading in my store bought bread ingredients. Take a look the next time you go to the store, many may have changed to a more natural sweetener, but most still contain HFCS, that is High Fructose Corn Syrup. It is a sweetener that has been the basis for much debate in the last few years. If you ask a lot of parents, foodies and nutritionists they would tell you that HFCS may just be the cause of childhood onset of diabetes these days. If you ask people in the corn industry, they say HFCS is completely safe in limited quantities and it is our culture that is causing the diabetes. The problem that I see with the corn industries argument is why is it in most of our processed foods that we eat on a daily basis- like bread? If you ask me, I say it is both, and regardless, I don't want it in everything I eat. Thus, I became the Maega bread baker!


I have never been a super big bread eater. In college I had a stomach issue and bread-y foods just made me feel icky. But the thought of warm fresh bread (with butter of course) was something I liked, and I like to try new things so I started learning how to make bread. Also, my DH is a carb consumer. You want him on board when selling carbs- he loves them. I thought it would be better for him too to have something wholesome and HFCS free.

So, my first, say, 5 loaves totally sucked. Seriously people. Bricks. It was worse than trying to make sandwiches out of large Melba toasts. And, to boot- they were completely wheat based- so try to swallow that. Uffda. Now, you are wondering, I can see the gleam in your eye, how did DH fare with this experiment of mine? Well, I happened to have married THE most patient man I could find, so he just ate the bread and said things like "great job" and "hmmm, fresh baked." At least our house smelled yummy, right?


Anyway, on to success. I figured out that, yes, it does matter what kind of flour you buy. Also, when the recipe tells new bread bakers to NOT start with wheat, they had a reason. Smart people! After a few successes with white bread, I tried my hand at wheat, and now can proudly say that I know some little tricks of the trade myself. It just took a few google searches, a Mississippi market trip, and some time and- voila yummy bread.


I must add a plug for the Kitchenaid stand mixer (I hated reading these when I didn't have one- sorry non-owners!). If you plan on making more than two loaves a year, get a dough hook!! It is like having a maid (I guess I wouldn't know, but it seems like it would be that awesome). I use the KA for all of my mixing needs- maybe I should just blog about that sometime.... adding it to the list.


I figured I would share my all time favorite recipe for everyday bread with you, with my changes and additions. The original is from a website called Hillbilly Housewife- because they are known for their baking skills... (I think) http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/beginnersbread.htm

Maega Bread
1-1/2 cups of White flour (plus a little extra flour for kneading)
1-1/2 cups of Wheat flour (NOT GRAHM FLOUR)
1 teaspoon salt
1 packet, or about 2 teaspoons yeast
1 tablespoon honey
2 tablespoons EV olive oil
1 cup warm water (not hot, just warm)
~2 teaspoons of soy lecithin granules (I got mine from Mississippi Market in bulk area)


1. Ingredients:-Put your 1 cup of warm tap water into a Pyrex type deal, put your yeast and soy lecithin in there as well, mix just a bit with a fork and let sit.
-In a large bowl (or Kitchenaid [KA] bowl) put your oil, honey, and salt. Then get all your other ingredients out of the cupboards (to give your yeast and soy lecithin a chance to get to know each other).
-Gently mix the warm water mixture together a bit with a fork, then pour it into the bowl of your other sticky ingredients, mix around with a rubber spatula until all the ingredients have "met each other."
-Now, add one cup of wheat flour and mix with a spoon (or hook on your KA) for like 60 seconds. Stop, add the 1/2 cup of wheat flour, mix for a bit, stop add the 1 cup of white flour mix for a bit, stop add the 1/2 cup of white and mix until all of it is mixed together as best you can.


2. Kneading: important note* If you are mixing this by hand be ready for a work out. Dump your dough (it is o.k. if it is a little chunky) onto a slightly floured surface and start kneading like you hate someone and knead to get that energy out... (WOW bad jokes... can't help myself). You will knead to knead (can't stop!) for 10 to 15 minutes, until the dough looks like it has started to string up a bit (see above recipe link for more info on kneading). For you KA owners, "alls you gotta do is" scoop the bottom ingredients to the top and set your mixer to a 2 or 4 speed for like 5 to 7 minutes. You should consider lifting some weights during that time to get the same workout though.... Just a thought.


3. Rising/Baking: Here is a tricky deal. Your bread kneads (k, last joke) to rise enough to be beaten down before the 2nd rise. Here is what I do: microwave a cup of water for a minute to warm up the microwave. Pop your little ball of dough into a bowl that has been oil sprayed or EVOO'd a bit, cover with a tea or drying towel and put it in the micro (micro will be unavailable for a while). You aren't cooking it in the micro, it just sits in there! If you have to use your micro for other things- stick it in the oven or a warm cupboard. I let mine rise for about 90 minutes before I check it. It will take longer in cool weather and shorter in warm weather. You know that it is ready to be punched down when you stick your finger in it and it leaves a hole (that doesn't pop back up).


-When the hole stays, you use your fist and gently/slowly punch it down so the air is pushed out. Grab a loaf pan, or whatever you are baking it in, spray it with the cooking oil/ non-stick stuff (don't use EVOO- the bread will stick). Take your dough, gently massage (yes- I used massage for a bread recipe) it to be similar to the shape of the pan, and put the dough in. Cover it up with the drying towel and stick it back in the micro for about 90 minutes again. When it has risen (indeed) put it in the oven at 350 and bake for 30-35 minutes. It is done when you take it out of the pan and a flick to the bottom sounds sorta hollow.



Now- if you are like me and have a job, you just don't have time to sit around waiting for bread to rise (let's start saying that- "She is so lazy she waits for bread to rise!! ha ha ha!"). So, this is my modification. Go back to step 3. Rising. Instead of letting the bread rise a second time in the micro- stick it in the fridge overnight and bake it in the morning. The max it should be in the fridge is 12 hours. Forgotten dough gets tough- this I know from experience. The people you live with will love you forever by the way. Fresh baked bread in the a.m. is awesome.



The whole process takes about 25 minutes of my time total. I usually double the recipe and make 2 loaves. I freeze one and we have bread for a week and a half. This bread goes bad in about 3 or 4 days unless you keep it wrapped in aluminium foil, then you have about a week with it.




So I thought I would share with you my enthusiasm for freshly baked homemade "everyday" bread, seeing as we will soon be baking in the July sun ourselves.

Happy baking!